J'ai une commotion cérébrale / I have a concussion / 脑震荡
Any time I think of 2020 for the rest of my life. I will think of the wild ride of a Giant Tiger workplace concussion and full on psychosis. A psychosis that hurt many people including an ex employer. ex boyfriend & family. A Psychosis drove me nearly to death. Here are some new truths for me after this traumatic brain injury:
When I started blogging? My Goal was to give you an incredibly unique voice to autism, autistic issues & autism human rights. I wanted to capture proof of the fact I had a loose grip on my sanity. Which I now have! I wanted to figure out myself. Which I now I have. The other goal was to write the blog to communicate to myself. How I am doing? Where is my head at? Am I suffering with depression, anxiety or suicidal ideation. In 2020 the answer was all of the above.
- I now allow for mental health interventions as needed – Up to & including moving me to Hotel Dieu & Safe Beds.
- I now warn people I can’t take impact to the head – There were moments with a head injury where I felt perfectly fine but I had gone completely whacko. This freaks me out. The reason I learned Cyber Security & posted this on the web was to potentially hold myself accountable later as needed. I intend to issue apologies as well omit posts.
- I need a job with dental coverage – I am just having teeth problems.
- I need to start setting expectations for dependent relationships – I am getting to the point where I need to think about a committed relationship as an autistic person. I don’t have a long life expectancy and I can’t fool around forever. I want someone to be there for me when my mental health begins to go forever.
- I’ve had experience with amnesia – Like forget where you live amnesia. There was a day in Kingston Ontario where I spent a significant amount of time lost because I forgot where I slept.
6. I have had hysterical anger, sadness & fear– She might not be to blame as much but I was angry at my old boss. Then I got angry at my family. then I got angry at my ex .Then I was sad my ex left me. This was insane. It was like I couldn’t actualize a single feeling at times. I was just lost in an overly emotionally stressed brain.
Even though it was at times embarrassing. I am glad I recorded my actions & mindset online. If you think I don’t work off of what I write you are insane! I go back and re-review. I have regrets and I have made mistakes. The reason I am glad to write an account of these actions publicly is so people can gauge where my head is at and bring something to the attention of a new relationship if needed.
I am sorry if I hurt you, made you feel alone or betrayed.
Ashton De Roy